Wanting It

This quote was introduced to me by my high school dance coach, and I think it is SO true.

I've been thinking about goals a lot lately, and what drives them.

My greatest goal has always been to become a doctor. I have wanted to go to medical school essentially all of my life - since my grandma Judy planted the seed in my young mind that this would be a good career choice for me.  I have to admit, I went in and out of wanting it as my confidence in myself went in and out. But once I was convinced that I was smart enough, there was pretty much nothing that could stop me. When I ask myself why I truly want it, my grandma is the first thing that comes to mind. I don't often tell people this, because it invites the advice that you should never do something for someone else. Do it for you - it should be your dream. But it is my dream. It's my dream that my grandma, who meant SO much to me, and I shared - and I want to make her proud. I like to think that my grandma knew me before I knew me. She recognized the qualities in me that would make a good physician long before I could formulate this dream for myself. Of course I want this dream for myself too. Every cell in my body believes that becoming a physician what I am meant to do, but that's not my point. My point is, this is what has driven me to "want it." Believing that I am making my grandma proud every step of the way has given me the satisfaction I need to keep propelling me forward. This is what has given me fulfillment. I don't share it with everyone, but you better believe it is in the back of my mind 24/7, and I am never giving up. It's gotten me this far, and I know when the going gets tough in medical school, I won't forget why I am there.

I've got this goal pretty well figured out. I know why I want it. I am moving forward with it. It's relatively solid.

In contrast, my latest and greatest endeavor is CrossFit. A while ago I wrote about why I love CrossFit. All of those reasons still resonate, but as I get better it seems to be evolving into something more. There have been a few recent posts by Paleomg, Crossfit East Sacramento, and Paleogirlinthecity about knowing why you do crossfit. They're all essentially saying that you need to know why you're doing what you're doing in order to continue to progress - in order to keeping wanting it. Obviously, I agree.

So now I am sitting here with myself asking, what do I want out of CrossFit and why? Well, if I'm being honest, I want to be freaking awesome. I want to see how far I can push myself and what my potential is. I want to make regionals next year. There, I said it - this is a lofty goal and maybe unrealistic, but I want it.

 Why do I want this?

I watch people get better every day at my gym. In turn, I watch myself get better too. I see my numbers go up, and slowly my times are inching toward decent. I would be lying if I said I don't compare myself to others on a daily basis to see how I'm stacking up.

The other day I saw an old sort of boyfriend (it's a long story). He was telling me how he's halfway through his masters, but is taking time off. My response was, "It's okay,  I wasted two years between undergrad and medical school." He looked at me kind of surprised and told me, "It wasn't a waste. Who you were two years ago and who you are now is someone completely different. You've grown into yourself. You're comfortable in your own skin now."

The fact that he could see this after spending very little time with me was flattering. I couldn't help but chalk a lot of it up to CrossFit. Because as it makes me better every day physically, it also makes me better every day mentally.  Every day when I get a new PR or complete a workout I never thought I could have, I get rid of one more doubt. I free myself of one more negative thought that was weighing me down, and I walk a little taller. I smile inside a little bit more.

And what can I accomplish if I get rid of all of my doubts? What kind of impact can I make on the world if I change every maybe or can't into I can and I will? So, I think that is it. That is why I want to make it to regionals. To motivate myself to push harder every day to be better. Even if I don't accomplish it, the act of chasing it will make me better - and that's where the real fulfillment happens anyway. As the quote says, "Winning isn't everything, but wanting to win is."

Wanting to make it to regionals will make me better every single day.  Now I know what to remind myself of when my goal is wearing thin. I'm not only chasing the physical journey, but the mental one as well. And the mental journey is worth every bit as much as the physical one, if not more.

What I hope comes out of this post is, whatever you're chasing look deep down and ask yourself why you're doing whatever it is that you are committed to doing. Find that passion in your heart that makes you want it every day and harness it. Because that's where you're going to find reward and fulfillment. Not necessarily in attaining your goal, but in wanting your goal. And then, maybe - just maybe - one day, you will capture that goal. And then you'll make a new one ;).